Teenagers and Drugs

Many parents worry about whether their teenagers are taking illegal drugs, how they can tell, and what to do about it. Unfortunately, we live in a drug-using society. While there is a lot of concern about illegal drugs, the most harm and the greatest risk to young people comes from using legal drugs such as alcohol, cigarettes, and medicines. However, young people may want to experiment with new things and test limits. Therefore, it is not surprising that many of them try illegal drugs.

Fortunately, out of those who try, not all will go on using drugs regularly and only a few will develop serious problems. With all the stories about drugs in the media, many parents wonder why young people would even think of trying drugs. The fact is, many young people don’t try them. Of the young people who are having problems in their lives, only a small number turn to drugs. It seems that the longer young people wait before they first use and/or regularly use drugs, the less likely it is that a drug problem will develop. While this can offer some comfort to parents, it is important for parents to be well informed and know what to do for their child.

Why do teenagers use drugs?

Some parents think that young people only use drugs if they are depressed or have problems at home or school. Understanding some of the reasons may help parents to appreciate the many pressures that teenagers face. Some of the reasons are:

• ordinary reasons, such as having fun or doing something different
• availability - access to drugs in not necessarily difficult. Drugs are usually obtained through other young people, friends, or older peers
• curiosity and experimentation - “I wanted to see what it was like”
• acceptance by peer group - “Most of my friends were doing it”
• rebellion - “because you don’t approve” or said “No”
• depression - “I just wanted to feel better”
• confidence and self-esteem - “I wanted to feel better about myself”
• relaxation or coping with stress, boredom, or pain - “All my problems disappeared for awhile”
• experience of a ‘high’ - liked the feeling
• example you set - what sort of behavior do you model? If you use drugs don’t be surprised if your child follows

Young people often rely on friends to tell them what to expect from a drug. The information they get is often not accurate.

How will I know if my teenager is taking drugs?

This is the most common question that parents ask. The answer is that there is no easy, sure way to tell. The effect of the drug might have worn off before you see your teenager or the effect of the drug is not something that is easy to see. Even when there is a major change in behavior, it could be caused by something else, such as illness. Parents who know their children well will notice any sudden change in behavior that might be a sign that something is wrong.

These changes include:

• unusual or different behavior from usual
• silence, sulking, or anger towards others
• mood swings
• more than usual lack of cooperation and rudeness
• very little time being with or talking with the family
• drop in school work, or truancy
• dropping out of regular activities, e.g. sport
• change of friends – unexplained or sudden change to a new group of friends
• changes in physical appearance, e.g. red eyes
• eating problems
• sleeping in very late
• lack of energy, tired all the time
• valuable items or money missing at home

Don’t jump to conclusions!

Think about all the possible reasons for a change in behavior. Is it due to a sudden growth spurt, or possibly changes due to puberty? Are there problems at school or with friends? Are things going on within your family that could be affecting your teenager? Remember that there are many reasons other than drugs that might be the cause of these changes. So it is a good idea to react to the situation in the same way you would to anything that made you feel worried about your teenager’s well being. In this way you won’t make the possible mistake of jumping to the wrong conclusion which could damage the relationship with your teenager.

Bringing up the subject

To raise the subject, you need to be able to talk with some confidence. The way you talk will make a difference to how your teenager responds.

• Find out about drugs for yourself first, so you know what you are talking about. What’s the latest up-to-date information? What are the common drugs and their effects?
• Try to find out by communication, not detection! Detection won’t give you the answers. Don’t go on searches for drugs. The cost of lost trust will be greater than the benefit of anything you might find out.
• Try to discuss it at a time when you are both in a reasonable mood. Make some private time. A good time is when you are driving your teenager somewhere they want to go, but not when you are in a hurry.
• Say something that opens up the subject in an easy way, such as, “I have noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. Can you tell me how you have been feeling?” Most young people will let you know what is happening if you ask at the right time, if they are not afraid of punishment, and if they see you as a caring friend.
• Make it easy for your teenager to talk to you. Try talking about someone else you know, so that your teenager sees that you are open to listen. You might say, for example: “I was talking to a friend about her daughter smoking pot. She was very worried. What do you think about it?” (Sometimes a teenager will test out parents by talking about a friend when they really mean themselves, be careful how you respond!)

If you suspect or find out your teenager is taking drugs, be careful how you initially react to the news.

• Give yourself time to calm down if you are upset, and to think through what is happening. Strong reactions due to fear are common but they don’t help.
• Don’t ridicule or lecture.
• There is a danger that a big argument about it might ‘back you both into a corner’ and harm your relationship with your teenager.

If you are suddenly faced with drug use, let things simmer down. Wait until your teenager sleeps it off and talk the next day. Getting angry will close the door on communication.

• Try to get a picture of what is happening in your child’s life.
• Give your teenager a chance to tell you what happened, e.g. “We’d like you to give us an idea what was going on.”
• Try to separate the behavior from the person. You may not approve of what your teenager is doing but you still need to show your love and care.
• It is important to tell your teenager that you are concerned about their well being and think they might be using drugs.

Your teenager probably knows, but remind them what your values are and what you will allow in your house. This can be a tricky issue and will depend on how old your teenager is. With older teenagers, you may have to come to terms with the fact that they are making their own life choices.

• However, if they won’t give up the drug you still have the right to say that they are not to use it at home.
• Some parents tell their teenagers to give it up or they will have to leave home. If you say this, you need to be sure that you really want it and that you mean what you say. Be sure that your teenager is not pushed into a more risky living situation.

Find out what kinds of drugs are being used and how they are being used. The best way to find out is to ask your teenager.

• Discuss with them what they consider to be the benefits and consequences of using drugs.
• Are they clearly aware of what is likely to happen if they use drugs, such as the effect on their family relationships, education, and future chances of getting work?

If your teenager is apprehended, give them moral support but let them see that it is their responsibility.

• Let them deal with the consequences of their behavior including picking up the bill, making arrangements, keeping appointments etc.
• Discuss with your teenager the fact that your trust has been broken. Ask them what they think should happen and ask what they will do to prove that you can trust them again.
• Punishment hardly ever prevents drug use.
• Remember drugs are not the only things that can lead to difficult decisions for parents. There are many times when you will have to think about what your rights and needs are and what are your teenager’s rights and needs.

If you find or suspect your teenager (or friend) has passed out from drug or alcohol use, phone 911 immediately for an ambulance. Do not hesitate!

Remember, many times drug use comes from trying something new. Using drugs is not the same as being addicted to drugs. In most cases, addiction to drugs happens over time after they have been used regularly. Even though some people may become addicted faster than others, it is not true to say using drugs for a short time will always lead to addiction.

What parents can do

Good parenting is important for all children and teenagers and should help them to be healthy in all parts of their lives. However, good parenting will not necessarily prevent teenagers from trying drugs. They are at an age when they make their own choices about using drugs, and many other things as well. Using drugs is often just part of being a teenager. If you find that your teenager has used, or is using illegal drugs, you should not blame yourself (unless you have been an influence with your own behavior).

• The way you live your life and the behaviors you model will influence your children. When it comes to parenting and drugs “Do as I say, not as I do” has little impact. Think about your use of alcohol, tobacco, medications, and other drugs.
• Spend time with your children (start before they are into their teens). Be involved in their lives. Know who are their friends are, their teachers’ names, what interests them. Show a genuine interest rather than be seen as ‘prying’.
• Teach responsible behavior. Give them practice at making choices and recognize them with approval for responsible choices. Gradually give them the responsibility for making their own decisions.
• Teach the balance of rights and responsibilities, so that they understand that responsibilities come with rights. For example, ask that your teenager lets you know where they are going when they are out. Allow them to have some say about when they come in.

As your children enter their teen years, think about what you can do to help make their lives interesting.

• Think about your weekends. If you spend the weekend sitting around with friends and smoking, you are sending the message that this is the way to spend your spare time! If your weekends offer things to look forward to, they are more likely to think of weekends as a time for enjoyable and interesting activities.
• Teenagers who have other interests may be less likely to take up drugs (although some sports encourage it, e.g. drinking after matches). Support their sport, take an interest in their hobbies, and help them get to the different activity groups that they are interested in.
• If teenagers are involved in more than one group of young people they have more resources to fall back on if one of the groups is using drugs. Support their friendships with different groups. Make their friends welcome.
• Support your children’s self-esteem. Tell them and show them you care about and value them. Let them see that you notice the good things they do.

Keep the communication open and honest. Be approachable!

• Listen to your teenager’s ideas and opinions, even if you don’t agree with them. Try not to interrupt or react in a way that stops discussion. This way they won’t be frightened to tell you things you may not want, but need to hear.
• Don’t pretend to know everything. If you don’t know, admit to it and tell them that you will try to find out.

Make sure that you have safe arrangements for teenagers getting home.

• Have an emergency plan for a situation if they lose money, drink too much, or get into a difficult situation. For example, a pre-paid mobile phone to call you, permission to take a taxi that you will pay for, etc. (If it happens often think about what else might be happening for your teenager).
• Give rewards for responsible behavior, e.g. allow them to stay out a bit later or have an extra night out.
• As teenagers get older they will be making their own choices about friends, groups, and activities. Your support in making their friends welcome, being interested in their interests, and helping them get to activities will still be very important to them.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t need to handle this alone.

• If young people are not going to school, if they are bored, if they are unemployed and without hobbies or interests, they are more vulnerable to drug use.

Peer group issues

• Peer group pressure is often overstated and most young people make a decision to take drugs without being forced or tricked. In fact, they may choose their peer group because of what the group is doing in a number of areas, including drugs.
• Young people need to see good reasons to change their peer group. The best you can do may be to encourage them not to entirely lose touch with old friends so that they have other friends to fall back on. Keeping a leg in with another peer group who doesn’t use drugs is an important way to help keep drug use at bay.
• If you feel your teenager is heavily involved in drugs and you are powerless to change the situation, it is important to talk to someone skilled in the area.